Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
