Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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