i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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