He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
