Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
