please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
