I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
