you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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