I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
