I'm jealous of your bromance
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
