At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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