Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
