i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
