my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
