You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
