So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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