Whod you bang
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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