You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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