The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
