I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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