just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
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I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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