I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
