Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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