oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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