remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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