My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Randomize
