It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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