my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you had me at cake vodka
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
