i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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