Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
