Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
