I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
