So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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