wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
