You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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