YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
