Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
