Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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