I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
