i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
