I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
