I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I die, sorry about rent.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
