break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
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Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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