Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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