Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
