I hate your face
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
