Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
