I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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