she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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