I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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