i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
