i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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