I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he shaved USA in his pubs
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
