she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
