You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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