I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
