I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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