Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
