i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
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Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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