There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think I just sharted jello shots
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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