All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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