I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
