she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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