More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
COCAINE IS GR8
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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